3.5 Smelly Cheese

[Naelwyn]

The Psionic Sandwich

...

Anyways, so in lieu of what I just said above, the most optimal way to create the most un-optimal character is to use the following sequence and build:

Race: Elan
Build: Telepath 20
Feats: Any, must have EK(Astral Seed) and skill focus (craft [basket weaving])

1. Acquire a loaf of bread (2cp)
2. Turn the bread into a sandwich (craft DC 5) (probably 2 minutes)
3. Polymorph the sandwich (preferably ham with mustard, pepperoni, salami, and jalapenos) into a fuzzy little bunny. (NPC casting 1200 gp) (1 standard action)
4. Cast astral seed (10 minutes)
5. Ritualistically slay yourself with favored method of suicide. Be sure to place your storage crystal next to the sandwich turned bunny. (I prefer to be killed with a dagger to the heart... :shifty: ) (Approximately 5 rounds)
6. Use mind-switch (the 6th level power) to switch with the rabbit, while in your storage crystal. (1 std action)
7. Metamorph into a troll and smash your storage crystal (now containing the mind of a sandwich). (2 standard actions)
8. Use psychic chirurgery to remove your negative level gotten from committing suicide. (10 minutes)
9. Dismiss your metamorphosis and manifest dispel psionics on yourself (to dispel the polymorph). (2 standard actions)

Congratulations, your ascention to the sublime state of a sandwich took:
23 minutes 6 seconds and costed you 1200.02 gold pieces.

Any one have a more optimal method?

Now, it occurred to me that this might not be a half bad character to play. So long as you pick up the power psionic overland flight and tweak your character levels a bit, you could seriously play a sandwich. Of course your hitpoints or AC wouldn't be much to speak of... but honestly, who is going to kill the sandwich that the fighter packs.

[Apples]

Now you are making me remember the (templated to have an int score) gelatinous cube monk that chases you at 75 ft and noms you.

[Naelwyn]

Fiendish Gelatinous Cube Monk CR 12
Fiendish gelatinous cube monk 10
LE Huge ooze (extraplanar)
Init -4; Senses blindsight 60 ft.; Listen -1, Spot +8
Languages None

AC 6, touch 6, flat-footed 6; Deflect Arrows
(-2 size, -4 Dex, +2 class)
hp 193 (14 HD); DR 10/magic
Immune critical hits, electricity, flanking, gaze attacks, illusions, mind-affecting effects (charms, compulsions, phantasms, patterns, and morale effects), normal disease, paralysis, poison, polymorph, sleep, stunning, visual effects, and other attack forms that rely on sight
Resist cold 20, fire 20; improved evasion; SR 19
Fort +16, Ref +4, Will +5 (+7 against enchantments)

Speed 45 ft. (9 squares)
Melee slam +9 (1d6+1 plus 1d6 acid) or
Melee unarmed strike +9/+4 (4d6+1 plus 1d6 acid) or
Melee unarmed strike +9/+9/+4 (4d6+1 plus 1d6 acid) with flurry of blows
Space 15 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Base Atk +10; Grp +19
Atk Options Improved Trip, Stunning Fist; acid, paralysis, smite good 1/day (+14 damage), ki strike (lawful, magic)
Special Actions engulf, wholeness of body (heal 20/day)

Abilities Str 12, Dex 3, Con 26, Int 3, Wis 1, Cha 1
SA acid, engulf, paralysis, smite good 1/day (+14 damage), ki strike (lawful, magic)
SQ slow fall 50 ft., transparent
Feats Alertness, Deflect ArrowsB, Improved Toughness, Improved TripB, Improved Unarmed StrikeB, Inured to Energy (cold), Inured to Energy (fire), Iron Will, Stunning FistB
Skills Hide -12, Listen -1, Spot +8

Acid (Ex) The fiendish gelatinous cube's body produces a corrosive substance. Any creature that strikes or touches the cube with its body, or that grapples it, automatically takes 1d6 points of acid damage. A creature takes damage from this ability only once per turn. This cube's acid does not harm metal or stone.

Engulf (Ex) The fiendish gelatinous cube can simply mow down Large or smaller creatures as a standard action. It cannot make a slam attack during a round in which it engulfs. The cube merely moves over the opponents, affecting as many as it can cover. Opponents can make attacks of opportunity against the cube, but any creature that does so is not entitled to a saving throw. A creature that does not attempt an attack of opportunity must succeed on a DC 14 Reflex save or be engulfed. On a success, it is pushed back or aside (opponent's choice) as the cube moves forward. Engulfed creatures are subject to the cube's paralysis and acid, and are considered to be grappled and trapped within its body. The save DC is Strength-based and includes a +1 racial bonus.

Paralysis (Ex) Anyone hit by the cube's slam or engulf attack must succeed on a DC 20 Fortitude save or be paralyzed for 3d6 rounds. The cube can automatically engulf a paralyzed opponent. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Transparent (Ex) Fiendish gelatinous cubes are hard to see, even under ideal conditions, and it takes a DC 15 Spot check to notice one. Creatures who fail to notice the cube and walk into it are automatically engulfed.

[markuswolfe]

I think I can sum up everything in the thread thus:

[Naelwyn]

Invisible Spell True Resurrection.

[markuswolfe]

But....but.....what do you even gain from making that spell invisible?

[Apples]

Rule as intended and as written too as far as I'm concerned it makes whatever is reviving you not noticeable but still takes 10 minutes.

"hey what are you doing with that body" "oh nothing..."

Rule as stupid you get permanent invisibility.

[Naelwyn]

There are actually a plethora of uses for Invisible spell, some far, far worse than others.

Invisible Summon Monster.
Invisible Cloudkill/Solid Fog/Incindiary Cloud/Fog Cloud/Obscuring Mist (EUUUGH. FOOOOG.) [Oh wait, forgot Acid Cloud.]
Invisible Invisibility.
Invisible Illusory Script.
Invisible Explosive Runes/Symbol of X/Gylph of Warding
Invisible Create Undead
Invisible Mount/Phantom Steed
Invisible Floating Disk
Invisible Silent Image
Invisible Animate Rope
Invisible Continual Flame
Invisible Spectral Hand
Invisible Alter Self
Invisible Rope Trick
Invisible Gaseous Form
Invisible Invisibility Sphere
Invisible Shrink Item
INVISIBLE BLACK TENTACLES
Invisible Ice Storm
Invisible Wall of Fire

...

Invisible Sphere of Ultimate Destruction

The list goes on and on and on.

[Apples]

Don't quite remember what it says but pretty sure the intention is to make counterspelling harder.

My only thing I tend to do with it is putting it on still silent spells or stuff like cloud of knives so that I can pretend to have nothing to do with it.

[Nygil, Nickolie]

It is really good with summons and walls. Also invisible fog is a great counter to true seeing

[markuswolfe]

See, stuff like this is why I converted over to M&M so easily...

[Naelwyn]

Stuff like this is exactly why I like tabletop RPGs.

In no other game you do remotely as flexible things as you can when you have a DM.